I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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