You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
