Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
