By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
