38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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