He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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