How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
