i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
