you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
