It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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