hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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