oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
