I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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