I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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