I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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