Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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