things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
thus making me awesome and them whores
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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