If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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