I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
