sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
