The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
