i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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