I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
