Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
