Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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