i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
