I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Randomize
