As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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