no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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