he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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