Reggie can tackle my bush.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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