this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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