i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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