Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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