why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
