that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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