So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
