i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
