I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
