If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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