Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
