Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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