I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
