just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
