Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
