After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
