I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize