Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
