Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
