I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize