the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
