Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
