He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
