can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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