then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
