i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
