level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
