you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
