i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
