Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
