Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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