Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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