I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize