don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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