Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I need a beard to bite.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
