Where is the hickey?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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